How should Christians hope to get married?

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Aliases: Christians and dating

1 From Quest for Love
2 Stories of God providing
3 Contentment: Once you've found a spouse (or potential spouse), how can you be sure that there isn't someone out there who would be better suited for you?
4 Bible texts from Bibleinfo.com
5 From FamilyLife Today: 2007-06-24~06-25: "A Love Story: Lars and Elisabeth Elliot Gren"
6 From Boundless
7 Sources
8 Resources

[edit] From Quest for Love

Quest for Love, chapter 28: God's will, providing

Quest for Love, 205-206: story, God provided

Quest for Love, 208: "to avoid making an emotional decision"

[edit] Stories of God providing

Who	Summary	Reference/Source
...	...	...

[edit] Contentment: Once you've found a spouse (or potential spouse), how can you be sure that there isn't someone out there who would be better suited for you?

— Tyler (2006-07-09 22:04)

How can you be satisfied/content with what you got?

Answer:

Contentment is a choice. Choose to be content and not envy.
There's not just one person who would make a good spouse for you!

Think about these things:

Arranged marriages
Friends
Parents

What do they all have in common? All of them, to some extent, have to do with things we don't choose for ourselves.

Arranged marriages: These marriages are arranged by parents/families, not by the individuals who will be doing the marrying. And yet, we may be surprised to find that arranged marriages actually work oftentimes.
Friends: I believe that we don't really choose our friends a lot of the time. Instead, friendships just develop "naturally" and gradually. to a great extent, who our friends are is a function of location (who you come in contact with in day-to-day life).
Parents: More than most other things in our life, who our parents are is something we have no control over.

There will always be someone else out there with some desirable quality that your spouse/girlfriend/friend lacks, or with fewer undesirable qualities, or whatever. There will always be someone else out there who might be "better" in some way. ... so??

You don't have to let other people affect how content you are with what you have.

Be satisfied with who/what you've got!!

Dwell on their good qualities, not on what they lack!!

Friends/spouses are gifts, not entitlements! We should treasure them, not constantly be on the lookout for a replacement for them! You don't have a right to perfect friends / a perfect spouse. We should be abundantly joyful and grateful about the friends/spouse we have been blessed with, not doubtful that God's gifts to us were good enough. It's hard sometimes, I know.

Imagine what it would be like if we treated our friends the same way many people treat girlfriends/boyfriends:

Imagine checking everyone out, asking yourself "Would they make a good friend? Should I try to meet them and become friends with them?" Imagine the comparison and judging that would go on. Deciding "Oh, she's not good enough to be my friend", or "We just don't have the chemistry to be friends". We would rule someone out from being a potential friend just based on a few small talk conversations or superficial observations. Or we would be filled with anxiety when we met someone who looks like they might make a good friend: "What if they don't have time for another friend?" or "What if they don't like me?". Good grief! Relax! It sounds silly to talk about making such a big deal about searching for/choosing your friends. And yet, we consider perfectly normal to make at least that big of a deal when it comes to searching for/choosing girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse! Why is that?

Imagine "breaking up with" one of your friends once the initial excitement of having a new friend and before the initial blindness to their flaws (before you got to know they're going little habits) had worn off! There would be no security amongst your friends. Your friends might dump you at any moment!

Do you search high and low to find a suitable friend? No! I think most of us just take the friends that come into our lives--even though we didn't really "search them out"--and we accept them.

Maybe there would be something to taking a similar approach when it comes to our attitudes towards choosing/meeting/finding our future spouse. Just like we should accept and be grateful for the friends that God has placed/brought into our life, maybe we should also accept the spouse that God brings into our life, rather than constantly fretting/worrying/wondering.

I know, it's not quite as easy as I make it sound. And choosing a spouse is a little bit different (and more binding) then choosing a friend.

[edit] Bible texts from Bibleinfo.com

[edit] What to look for in a spouse

Inner beauty counts the most. 1 Peter 3:4, TLB. "Be beautiful inside, in your hearts, with the lasting charm of a gentle and quiet spirit that is so precious to God."

Date someone who encourages you and is supportive. Philippians 2:1-2, TLB. "Is there any such thing as Christians cheering each other up? Do you love me enough to want to help me? Does it mean anything to you that we are brothers in the Lord, sharing the same Spirit? Are your hearts tender and sympathetic at all? Then make me truly happy by loving each other, working together with one heart and mind and purpose.

[edit] Don't be exclusive

In a dating relationship don't be exclusive—care about others too. Philippians 2:4, TLB. "Don't just think about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and in what they are doing."

[edit] Take it slow

Let the relationship progress step by step. 2 Peter 1:6-7, TLB. "Next, learn to put aside your own desires so that you will become patient and godly, gladly letting God have his way with you. This will make possible the next step, which is for you to enjoy other people and to like them, and finally you will grow to love them deeply."

[edit] Dating activities

What to avoid on dates. Romans 13:13, TLB. "Be decent and true in everything you do so that all can approve your behavior. Don't spend your time in wild parties and getting drunk or in adultery and lust, or fighting, or jealousy."

[edit] Purity

Keep yourself pure. 1 John 3:3, TLB. "And everyone who really believes this will try to stay pure because Christ is pure."

To keep from hurting ourselves, sexual desires and activities must be placed under Christ's control. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, TLB. "For God wants you to be holy and pure and to keep clear of all sexual sin so that each of you will marry in holiness and honor—not in lustful passion as the heathen do, in their ignorance of God and his ways."

Psalm 51:2-4, TLB. "Oh, wash me, cleanse me from this guilt. Let me be pure again. For I admit my shameful deed—it haunts me day and night."

[edit] God's plans for you

God has a mate for you. Genesis 2:18, TLB. "And the Lord God said, 'It isnt good for man to be alone; I will make a companion for him, a helper suited to his needs.'"

Ask the Lord for a mate. Proverbs 19:14, TLB. "A father can give his sons homes and riches, but only the Lord can give them understanding wives."

God will give you your heart's desires. Psalm 37:4 and Matthew 6:8, TLB. "Be delighted with the Lord. Then He will give you all your heart's desires." "Remember, your Father knows exactly what you need before you ask Him!"

[edit] From FamilyLife Today: 2007-06-24~06-25: "A Love Story: Lars and Elisabeth Elliot Gren"

Part 1, 18:48:

Dennis Rainey: I think there's two things that I pick up out of this story that's worth every person who's listening -- but especially the singles ... . The first point is that God rewards the pursuit of godliness. He wants us to be more caught up with becoming the right person and living out the Christ-centered life than he does wanting us to be in pursuit of the person that we're to marry.

Bob Lepine: I heard Tommy Nelson, who's an author and a pastor, say one time that if you want to marry the right person, you need to run as hard and as fast toward Jesus as you can, and if you see someone running alongside you, take a second look. And I thought, that's a great picture for singles.

Dennis Rainey: It really is. I've talked often with our singles, as they've moved on into the adult single years, to say, your goal in life needs to be that you are in the process of becoming God's man, God's woman. God will work out the other half of the equation, as to who you're to spend the rest of your life with.

...

Dennis Rainey: I think a second thing is, that is equally important here, and that is that God rewards the godly pursuit of another person. [...]